


Everything I'll Never Say

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e19-20 The Siege of the North, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Ficlet, Gen, Guilt, Introspection, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, ozai's a horrible father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 20:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: Lu Ten had marched away, determination etched on his face; Zuko readies a canoe to sail away into the Artic, wearing the same determination like a mask.But at least Lu Ten had marched away knowing that he was loved.Iroh watches Zuko go.





	Everything I'll Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely a companion piece to something I wrote earlier this week, _In the Clearing Smoke._ , but that is by no means required to understand this one! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

There’s a sense of déjà vu, you think, and it makes you want to topple, almost makes you regret recklessly sneaking into the launch-room where Zuko is preparing the canoe. Almost. But it is also what makes it necessary. Lu Ten admittedly never looked like this—simple clothes (and nowhere near enough of them for the Artic cold) and no Fire Nation armor, face not only scarred and burnt but bruised and scraped, anger in his eyes to cover up the fear. But the determination is all too familiar. (It’s more Zuko’s mark, after these past three years, than it ever was Lu Ten’s. But on the eve of the last day of the siege, Lu Ten had worn it too, had worn it marching his men to the Inner Wall, had worn it the last time you had looked into his living eyes…)

Lu Ten had marched away, determination etched on his face; Zuko readies a canoe to sail away into the Artic, wearing the same determination like a mask.

(Lu Ten had marched away knowing that he was loved.) 

( _I don’t understand why you were so upset_ , Zuko had said weeks ago, after you cried out in relief when you spotted him the water—bruised, and coughing, and bleeding in places, but _alive_ —after you pulled him up, embraced him, crying… 

_I don’t understand why you were so upset._

You thought he knew, too.)

Court has decorum; there are things that, one learns growing up in Court, are simply not said. Taboo. _Those_ three words are one of them. So one finds ways around them, ways to get the message across…

( _Sometimes life is like a narrow bridge_ , you told Lu Ten, _and the important thing is not to be afraid._

 _I know, Dad_ , he had said, smiling, understanding the three words lurking beneath the proverb, before rising to embrace you. _I know. We’ll meet again._ )

Zuko is going. 

“If you’re fishing for an octopus, my nephew,” you say. “You need a tightly woven net, or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape.”

( _I know, Dad_ , Lu Ten said.)

“I don’t need your wisdom right now, Uncle,” Zuko says.

“I’m sorry. I just nag you because…Well…” _I love you._ “Ever since I lost my son…”

“Uncle, you don’t have to say it.”

 _But I do._ “I…” _love you, I love you, you have to know, Zuko…_ “…think of you as my own.”

You are a coward.

(Zuko has a father, knows what is to be owned by someone. But doesn’t know what that means, what it should mean…what it means to people other than Ozai…)

“I know, Uncle,” he says, turning to you.

 _You don’t_ , you think.

“We’ll meet again, after I have the Avatar.”

And then you barely get to embrace him before he descends in the canoe. You watch him until he is out of sight, cursing this War, and cursing Ozai, and cursing decorum, and your Agni-forsaken cowardice…

He is gone, into the dark night, and he doesn’t know.

“I am sorry,” you whisper to the frigid air. You weep.

**Author's Note:**

> The quote: "Sometimes life is like a narrow bridge and the important thing is not to be afraid," is not mine, and it's not Iroh's either. It's an adaptation of a Jewish proverb I grew up with, attributed to Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. The original is translated as: "The whole world is a very narrow bridge, and the important thing is not to be afraid."
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


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